Self-circumcision

I did it myself. U dare?

To my beloved Max ...

There is one best place to bury a dog,

If you bury him in this spot,
he will come to you when you call,
come to you over the grim, dim frontier of death,
and down the well-remembered path,
and to your side again.

And though you call a dozen living dogs to heel,
they shall not growl at him,
nor resent his coming,
for he belongs there.

People may scoff at you,
who see no lightest blade of grass bent by his footfall,
who hear no whimper,
people who may never really have had a dog.
Smile at them, for you shall know,
something that is hidden from them,
and which is well worth the knowing.

The one best place to bury a good dog,
is in the heart of his master.

In loving memory of Max,
(1991 - 1999)
You'll always be in my heart.

Growing Up

The following are few old photos of ҜαίخόρЋЯзпїα™'s hey-days, when he was still young and chubby yet charming and full of charisma. Could you spot which one is the handsome Ҝαίخό? Click on the images to find out your answer. As a rule of thumb, pick the handsomest among the guys and you can't go wrong. Happy guessing!

Year 1987 - Fatima Kindergarten Yr. 1

As you could see here, I wasn't born fat. Although I was born chubby with a birth weight of 4.18kgs. Mom said it was due to my recurrent nocturnal asthma attacks that delayed my onset of juvenile obesity.

Year 1988 - Fatima Kindergarten Yr. 2

1988 - This was the year my asthma attacks got milder. Thus feeding was on full-gear. Mom offered me breast milk but I declined coz I was shy and plus, none of my kindergarten mates were taking breast milk at that time. Mom used to make me fried goose's eggs with frankfurters and Gardenia bread for breakfast, homecooked fried rice with pork strips and fish fillet for lunch, and a variety of wholesome dishes for dinner. I had no choice but grow sideways...

Year 1990 - Pasar Rd. Boy's School Primary 2

Year 1991 - Pasar Rd. Boy's School Primary 3

Year 1994 - Pasar Rd. Boy's School UPSR Top Students

Until secondary school, when it finally dawned upon me that... I wasn't only handsome and charming, I was a little chubby too. And I vowed that from the year 1995 onwards, I must work towards my target BMI of 25 and below.

Year 1995 - Sekolah Aminuddin Baki Secondary 1

Year 1996 - Sekolah Aminuddin Baki Secondary 2

Year 1997 - Sekolah Aminuddin Baki Secondary 3

And I'm so glad that I've achieved my target BMI, and more than that to boast! To all the fat fcuks out there, I really wanna tell you that you're not alone. I've been there, had walked the walk and am now talking the talk. Nothing is impossible. Nobody can stop you from being fat, and if that's what make you happy, tell those who disagree to fcuk off. Enjoy life, be fat!

3rd Day of Fam.Med.

We had to drive to a health clinic in Port Dickson today, at a freaking early 8 am. Car pooling TurboFlyx's Honda City Type RR (Real Run-down) further worsen my morning-dizziness and depression. The horrific lyricless anime songs played by TurboFlyx further putrefied my brain matter to a fully liquified state.

Highway to PD clinic - Hazy!

The haze problem is making a comeback, and I bet Seremban and Port Dickson is the worst affected. And I have my own theory for such condition in Seremban, especially the Rasah area I'm staying at. Rasah is full of Indians (Read: I AM NOT A RACIST!), and they like planting huge trees and plants with huge motherfcuking leaves in their home compounds. When the branches or leaves fcuking rots, they would gather them and burn the motherfcuking out of them to shoo away the bitchcunt Aedes mosquitoes.

"You ol' fcuks folks! You're screwing your own fcukin health! Take a deep breath, and cough away and die!"

We reach PD clinic around 8.30am. Dr. TCL, the godfather of medical research was already in the consultation room reading a book titled "Evidence-Based Medicine in Primary Care". First thing I noticed, he was wearing the same pair of colourful socks as he did on Monday. Coz he sat in such a way that his left leg was cocked up high in the air, and thus showing his socks. Then when I load these pictures justnow, I found out he was wearing the same shits he wore on Monday's clinic (click here to compare). Everything, his shirt, neck tie, checkered pants, socks, Camel Active leather shoe, belt, glasses, (underwear not sure). How can a doctor be so freakin filthy!? Don't they know their body parts harvest all sorts of organisms from the many patients they come into contact each day? Plus, Malaysia is a humid and hottie country. I have come to respect that people have their own habits and lifestyle and I have absolutely no right to bitch bout it.

Dr. TCL interviewing one of the patients.

Well, we were expected to clerk some patients and perform a comprehensive physical examination here in the clinic, much the same in the Ampangan Health Clinic.

Fairuz obtaining a history from a patient.

Dr. TCL showing Fairuz how a correct Straight-Leg Raising test is done.

I wasn't the only one slacking. TurboFlyx was catching some forty winks.
The Talkative Duck was in her high mood as usual, writing some case summary on patients card.

The PD health clinic is located by the seaside. When we reached the clinic, there was a huge cargo-like ship further down the shore.

When it's time to leave, some 3 hours later, the ship had transformed a.k.a. The Transformers, into an oil-rig station (apparently owned by Shell coz we saw a huge muthafcuking oil tank somewhere down the road by the seaside). Wuaaahhh... hioong leh!

TurboFlyx: Don't cock me, it was a different ship! Come, hop into my Honda City Type RR. I let you listen to my anime songs again.
Me: *@^#%^@%$#@%$#&... if soundtrack from Hentai anime I dun mind la...

2nd Day of Fam.Med.

Being a slacker, I hate attendance to my course activities being taken twice daily. Are those AAD ppl dumbfcuked idiots got nothing to do or what? We don't pay RM60K annually to be treated like small kiddos dammit!

From left to right:
ManiaMin acting macho, Ҝαίخό™ getting bored, TurboFlyx acting cool, and a sphygmomanometer standing erected.

We're back in this place called Klinik Kesihatan Ampangan. Same old shit, different day. Prof. K is gonna conduct the clinic session today, and I dreaded this day so very much. If you're wondering why, that's becoz Prof. K is *** ****** ******* (CENSORED). I find her working etiquette cockening.

Ҝαίخό™ blaming his luck when got chosen by Prof K. The other two bugger sighed in relief.

And most unfortunately, Ҝαίخό™ got selected by Prof. K as the first candidate to clerk a patient that morning. Ҝαίخό™ didn't fret one inch. He proceeded professionally and ushered the patient in, and started clerking...

A bit of history:
Prof. K had previously made fun of Ҝαίخό™ when he was in Semester 6 (almost 1 year ago), and Ҝαίخό™ bears a deep sickening no grudge with Prof. K, but Prof. K did not have much of an impression with Ҝαίخό™.

Halfway into Ҝαίخό™ 's professionally conducted clerking, Prof. K suddenly interrupted:

Prof K: Ok, what has he failed to ask so far?
The Rest: ... ... ...
Prof K: He kept asking her this and that which are essentially the same thing. He's basically beating around the bush for the past few minutes!
Ҝαίخό™ thoughts: Haven't you heard of building rapport with patients, biatch?!?!
Prof K: Now, what else you wanna ask the patient?
Ҝαίخό™: Sorry ye Cik X (the patient), for the interruption. Let's continue. Erm, did you have any numbness right after your fall?
Cik X: No, there were no numbness.
Ҝαίخό™: Do you ...
Prof K: What do you ask after you ask for numbness? Weakness right? If this is a real exam, YOU FAIIIILLLL....
Ҝαίخό™: (Aarrrgghhhh...)
Prof K: [went on bitching teaching]

Prof. K consulting our Oxford handbook.

Prof. K's listening attentively to patient's complaint.

We had to endure another 2 hours of Prof. K's teaching before the group was dismissed. Then we headed to the A&W fastfood restaurant for lunch before heading back to Uni to celebrate The Talkative Duck's birthday.

The Talkative Duck with his Bf (on her immediate left) and friends.

After celebrating her birthday, The Talkative Duck got into an educative Sexual Role-Play where she acted as a medical student who had just celebrated her 22nd birthday and got drunk and had an unprotected one-night stand (clinical definition: helluva fcuking action for one night or more) with an Indian friend two nights ago. She was afraid that she might get pregnant and found out by her boyfriend. Her intention of consulting the doctor (faked by TurboFlyx) was emergency contraception, ie. morning after pills and the shits alike.

We had some nice giggles watching in the next room, which was separated by a one-way mirror. The Talkative Duck sure can act! With that, I end my 2nd Day of Fam.Med.

1st Day of Fam.Med.

Today marked my first day of Family Medicine (Fam.Med) posting. It's gonna be a 4-week long and neverending slacking on my part. Slacking Orthopaedics and Psychiatry postings the past 4 weeks have been blissful! With Fam.Med coming, I solemnly pledge to be a devoted and faithful slacker.

*mediocre photos due to cheap spy-cam.

The photo above is Dr. TCL, the godfather of evidence-based medicine and medical research. He briefed us about our Fam.Med posting, took us to this shitty clinic called Klinik Kesihatan Ampangan which was about 10km from Uni. And we have to be here for 3 weeks! Kaninabu...

Dr. TCL gave us a tour around the clinic, and went into the laboratory to get a HIV test kit. He wanted to perform a HIV test on one of the medical student for the sake of the public health, as the aforementioned student was an ex-IVDU, looked cachectic, and had a dilated anal verge, a clear sign of homosexual practice.

The HIV test kit package. Made in Korea.

Let's just call this medical student Mr. GSTPAID. There were about 13 of us in that small consultation room, and needless to say Mr. GSTPAID was anxious, perplexed, and manic. He was also concerned about his confidentiality and the test results being used by the 13-odd people in that room against him.

Mr. GSTPAID studying the HIV consent form.

Mr. GSTPAID: This is not confidential!
Dr. TCL: Why is it not? You do not need to fill in your name. In fact, the form says "Voluntary and Anonymous Test".
Mr. GSTPAID: But this form asks for my IC number! People can trace everything from IC number!
Dr. TCL: Can you type in IC numbers on Google search and get other people's info? You idiot! Why don't you use your brain? Are you having HIV encephalopathy?
Mr. GSTPAID: ..... Tiu nia singh ah! I don't wanna take this test already!!!
Dr. TCL: Come on, don't be childish (proceed to whisper something into GSTPAID's ear).

After some intense cock-staring and some further persuasion from Dr. TCL, Mr. GSTPAID gave in. We saw Dr. TCL whispering something into Mr. GSTPAID's right ear again (I thought I saw Dr. TCL licking his ear while doing that), and they smiled at each other shamelessly right after.

Dr. TCL showing us the HIV test kit. Looked somewhat like urine pregnancy test kit.
He looks abit ham-sap dun you think?

Mr. GSTPAID got his finger pricked for blood.

To cut the long story short, Dr. TCL went ahead with the procedure and Mr. GSTPAID yelled like a sissy biatch when pricked. And after 15mins of anxiety and panic attack, Mr. GSTPAID was declared HIV-negative. That is, for now.

Mr. GSTPAID screaming for his momma coz he's too sissy to take the small pain.

Rob.B.Hood

• Read this week's gym session here.

Caught Baby Matthew in action on the big screen yesterday night (Rob-B-Hood):

It was another Jackie Chan's action flick, this time a bit on the softer side. And for once depicting him as the not-so-wicked-baddie. And with all of the recent Jackie movies, there are loads of moral-uplifting messages in this movie too. So much for exploiting a toddler...

Catch of the movie:

One can actually act as a defibrillator by running a sports car's battery supply through his body and extending his fingers to function as the defibrillator terminals.

Most interesting part of movie:

Of course the NG part (no-good takes), when Jackie Chan fell down and knocked his head and one of his crew members saying "Tai kor, pet yue hui yu yuen chiu ha geng la." [Translation: Big brother, why not have your head scanned at the hospital?]. And Jackie replied "ok". I thought the crew member would get screwed by the Tai Kor for bruising his ego.

Visit Rob-B-Hood website here.
View Jackie's official site and his scrapbook.

Fat Nation!

I normally read TheStar, but today's NST front page caught my attention:

"Malaysia has the most number of fat people in the Asean region. In fact, the number of fat people in Malaysia exceeds that in many developed countries, including Germany and France."

According to NST, 56% of Malaysian adults are either obese or overweight; out of this 62% are women and 48% are men. If you're figure-blind, let me put it in words: More than half of Malaysians are fat fcuks! NST also showed a formula to tell if you're fat. Measure your waist; fat males would measure more than 35.4" (90cm) and females more than 31.5" (80cm).

The MySoN (Malaysian Shape of the Nation) survey shows that Malaysian Indians are the fattest at 63.4%, followed by Malays (53.5%), Chinese (50.8%), and others (45.2%).

"By contrast, in Singapore, about 24% of men and 48% of women are fat. Only 8% of men and 13% of women in France are fat."

Keep it up Malaysians. We might as well name our country Fattysia, Obese-sia, or maybe KennySia. Haha! Felix, if you're reading this, stop giggling! You've got 10kg more to go! And to all the fat fcuks out there, eat more KFC or McD and R.I.P.!

Male-Male Gayswear

Last Saturday was Fitness First's (Leisure Mall branch) open day, there were people coming in selling mooncakes, chinese tea, dragon fruits, etc. At one corner, there was a makeshift stall selling some cool-looking and tight-fitting singlets and T-shirts. "Interesting", I thought.

The dragon fruits were selling for RM10 for 4. Mooncake prices range from RM15-30 per piece. Reasonable price I thought. And before I approach the stall selling the T-shirts and cool looking singlets, I took my wallet along with me from my locker.

Holy shit! The red singlet above costs RM70+ after discount (original price was a freakin RM91.90). Of course, I kept my cool and didn't show my stunned look. My wallet at that time contained at most 60 bucks. Haha... I was like, Fcuk off you Gay-costume seller! Men wear menswear, gays wear gayswear!

The guy explained that his goods are imported from US and the brands were such as Andrew Christian, GoSoftwear, Ajaxx63, Modus Vivendi, and GinchGonch. I was silently screaming, Enough already you gay! All of the brand names sounded G-A-Y!!! Incidentally the guy who was talking to me all the while was tall and had a muscular physique, so I assumed that he's a godfather of all gays. Fcuk that reminded me of his moustache and goatee too. Tamade, fckuin sickening!

If you're interested, and coincidentally would like to flaunt some muscles (no, I'm not saying that you're a gay), do visit their website here or email them. Interesting website name eh? malemale.com. YUCKS!

Update:
Fitness First gym (IOI mall branch) is having their Open Day tomorrow (Sept 30). Anyone can enter, all you need to do is just fill in your particulars in a form provided and get your arse poked every now and then by the personal trainers asking you to sign up a contract with them. Do visit if you have the time. You might see the GAY salesman there if you're lucky.

Hybrid Big Cats

Zoos and menageries once bred exotic-looking hybrid big cats to attract the public just as hybrid small cats (Bengal, Chausie etc.) are now bred as pets. Hybrids are unlikely in the wild. Where big cat species have overlapping territories, they usually have different lifestyles and rarely meet. If they do meet, conflict is more likely than romance. To deliberately breed hybrids, the parent cats are raised together to overcome any natural enmity between their species. Some hybrids occur accidentally where different cat species were housed together for convenience; the keepers did not realise that the cats would - or even could - mate. The urge to mate can be so strong that they will mate with each other if there is no available partner of their own species.

"Give it to me baby, oh yeah gimme gimme gimme... Roooaaarr..."

These inter-species copulation give rise to liger (lion rams tigress) and tigon (tiger rams lioness).

"Oh yeah you lioness, I gotcha I gotcha I gotcha..."

A liger is bigger than either parent, 10 - 12 ft in length - making it the biggest hybrid cat and, for many people, the most fascinating. Ligers vary in appearance depending on how the genes interact and on which subspecies of lion and tiger are bred together. In general, males grow sparse leonine manes and the facial ruff of a tiger. Males and females have spotted bellies and a striped back. They roar like lions and "chuff" like tigers.

"My dad's name is Leo and he got drunk one nite and fcuked a tigress from next door."

The liger's huge testicles are for display only. Most often than not, they are infertile.

Tigons (alternative names are tion, tigron or tiglon) are currently rarer than ligers. It is suggested that male tigers find the courtship behaviour of a lioness too subtle and may miss behavioural cues that she is willing to mate (though lionesses actively solicit mating). It is more likely that their smaller size makes them less attractive exhibits than ligers. This is borne out by the fact that in the 19th century and early 20th century, tigons were more common than ligers.

Tigon cubs.

The mess doesn't ends here. Female tigons and ligers are often fertile and can mate with a lion, tiger or in theory with another species such as leopard or jaguar. What if the female liger gets horny and mates with a pure bred lion or tiger? The resulting cubs would be named li-liger or ti-liger. The same goes for a horny tigon's litter; li-tigon or ti-tigon. Let's not delve into cross-breeds with leopards or jaguars. Happy digesting these messy shits!

Footnote:
If Tarzan mates with a female orang utan, what would his son look like? One thing for sure, he would be named Tarz-utan.