PASSED JPJ !

"P" stands for Pass! "P" stands for Professionalism! "P" stands for Powwah! Yes, I did it! I finally passed my bike test (open category) after weeks of waiting for the bike to be repaired! But this morning's test wasn't totally uneventful. As expected, the one-and-only prankster Yamaha Virago decided to pull tricks on me on my big day so that I'd look silly in front of all the 100cc bikers!

I reached the test ground at 8.30am, and there was already a guy on the Virago doing his last practice lap. I was later told that there would only be three person (that's including me) sitting for the open category bike test. The rest (about 60 odds) were all going for below 250cc category. The instructor stopped the guy on practise and asked me to do my final two laps before the JPJ officials step in at 9.00am. The moment I climbed astride the Virago's saddle, the guy who was practising earlier told me I would need help starting the bike's engine. And I thought they fixed the fucked-up bike!

"OK then, tolong tolak belakang!", I told the Malay guy hoping he could help me push and jumpstart the bike.
"Tak boleh... kena guna batu!", he retorted.

What the fuck? Why would anyone use a rock to start a bloody bike?!! By then, the instructor was already walking towards us, holding a fist-sized rock. Using the rock, he knocked very gently on the engine part right below the exhaust manifolds, and at the same time pressing on the Start button. And the Virago wailed an asthmatic vrooomm.

Later on during my practise, the Virago died on me three times on the test track. By the third time, the instructor was getting a bit pissed with knocking the bike gently with a rock, so he yelled, "Main sikit clutch tu, jangan kasi dia mati!". I was like, fuck you, I can ride a bike competently and it's not my fucking problem that the fucking engine died three fucking times and to fucking start it back up you need to fucking knock the bike gently with a fucking rock! But I gulped the frustrations down my oesophagus. When he was done, I yanked the throttle wide open all the way towards the end of the track.

I registered at 9.00am and waited for my turn. I was called for the test at about 10.00am, and it went well. Virago didn't die on me, didn't tip off-sided on the bridge, it behaved. When I collected my test result slips, I was elated. A perfect score of 20/20 for the technical section, and a near perfect 14/15 for the on-road section.

Thinking that was the end of the tiring and messy bike license ordeal, I was happy I passed in my first attempt. All that was needed to be done was to collect my test card and get the JPJ officials key in my victorious data into their sorry computers and get the card verified before going to the JPJ office in Senawang to get my official license. And guess what? The working system of "Malaysia Boleh" don't just let you off so easily. The old-fuck who was supposed to man the test card station decided to go somewhere else for tea, and my test card got ended up in the hands of another brainless chap who doesn't have the slightest intelligence to check if the card he took had his name written on it! And this shitbag disappeared without any trace and couldn't be contacted.

I was fucking furious! Without the card I couldn't apply for my new bike license. No apologies from the management. They promised they will get me back my card by Monday, but no apologies. So I'm here again, waiting. I can't help but think that all these shits, the injured wrist, the fucked-up bike, and all the delays, happened because I dedided to go on with getting my bike license without my mom's blessings. She'd never wanted me to ride a bike, saying that it's safer to drive. But mom, I love big bikes!